Superb piece of writing! And a reminder, in the age of poring over other people's houses on social media, that a good looking house doesn't equal a joyful life. In fact sod it, I think this piece of writing is a covert cheer for the importance of mess and normality.
It reminds me of this in Bernadine Evaristo’s book girl woman other.
‘I can tell Mum’s unfulfilled now we’ve all left home because she spends her time either cleaning it or redecorating it she’s never complained about her lot, or argued with him, a sure sign she’s oppressed
I grew up in a house that needed to be redecorated or clean to be happy and am now trying to undo that in myself. Welcoming the mess.
Maybe the album - are they still called albums? - is a Rorschach test? I'm also a child of divorce and have been divorced myself, but don't find Allen's new songs captivating because of real estate. Rather, I continue to ponder these tunes with admiration because she has transformed a traumatic personal experience into amazing art that appeals universally on two levels, namely, to surface emotions as a pop-music gem and to deeper ruminations on betrayal and lost love.
I used to be perfectly happy with my perfectly normal, comfortable but scruffy around the edges, homes. I have lived in NYC for more than a decade so honestly just being here in a place with a washer/dryer felt like a wild privilege. But social media, AD, House and Garden, I love them but my god they’ve RUINED me! I cannot tell you how often I’m dealing with a creeping sense of dissatisfaction with my Greenwich Village home (something I used to wander these streets dreaming of!) because it’s rickety and decorated by my own amateur eye, tragically lacking in bespoke carpentry and artfully placed wall sconces. The ridiculous thing is that this place has appeared in AD! Years ago a fancy fashion person scooped it up and renovated it and got a multi-page spread. I KNOW that it’s all smoke and mirrors and styling and lighting and editing and photos taken with every door left wide open because old Victorian houses are inherently gloomy. I know this. I’ve been on this side of the curtain a few times. I also get a jolt of excitement everytime I see a ‘real’ home, wonky and imperfect and mad and full of human mess. And still! I still feel like I’m kind of failing at this thing.
Personally I’ve never thought a ‘perfect home’ would protect me from anything, that it said anything about the relationships inside it, or that it was a way to exert control. I’ve always thought that the urge to feather your nest and make your little piece of the world beautiful is gloriously human. There can be a huge amount of meaning in it and I’m never ever going to be sniffy about anybody’s choice to focus on the domestic or question the personal value in doing so. We adorn ourselves in all kinds of pointless ways, and our environments matter hugely. Home decorating should just be an extension of that. The problem for me is the creeping idea that these extraordinary renovations are now the norm, the baseline, when in fact the only people I know with homes like this in the real world are designers or architects or people doing this for a living, or the children of scions and magnates.
It is interesting to me that I can turn this discernment on when looking at a filtered face or hearing about a #goals relationship, or looking at a mum influencer raising 5 kids with not a nanny in sight, but when it comes to my home I sort of lose all sense.
Incidentally, I think these magazines should include dollar amounts and professions in their pieces. The way House and Garden in particular tries to make every story sound like a whimsical little underdog artistic project when in reality the cost of renovation is astronomical. I got a quote for replacement floors which has me committed to rugs for the rest of my life! I’m quite sure I wouldn’t feel nearly as bad if the footnote reminded me that this was a hedge fund family who spent over $1m on the renovation or Lily got comped because she’s a celebrity, or the ‘cottage’ Lucy’s renovating is on her parents estate. I know it but maybe putting it in black and white might help me right-size my expectations. In the meantime I should just keep the floor proposal next to me as I scroll!
‘….or the empty Welsh bothy occupied by a pair of vegan potters from Portland Oregon who accidentally drunk-bought the place on the internet one night, then moved in and home-birthed four daughters and a lamb’
This (and also everything else you captured in this article) so good:
"It’s the delusion that if we can just focus on the details, fuss and fuss and fuss, eventually we will make everything perfectly perfect and shiny on the outside and the inside will naturally follow suit."
The most shocking thing to me about the entire story (because it’s not really shocking to hear about a married man shagging around) is the fact that within the last few years you could pick up a brownstone in Brooklyn for $2m.
$3.35M in 2021, before the renovation. Today though you can't pick up a brownstone in that area under $5M unless it needs a gut. (You can find something for $2-3M in Bed-Stuy still!)
Well-here's an Interior designer's opinion. I dislike that house so deeply. Cottage core, granny-chic, whatever you want to call it, it's soul-less likely because even though it has that vintage look, I don't see any personal effects, it's too much, too frilly, overdone.
As for AD, the celebrity angle doesn't work for me. Like Leah wrote, who wants to see celebrity homes? I'd rather see how designers and architects are solving problems, merging the natural with the built environment, and who the new artisan furniture designers are (which is why Elle Decor and California Homes and Luxe Interiors have become my reads).
There was an article I read very recently by a Canadian doctor, who said that your surroundings at home and how they make you feel can be of as much value in de-stressing as therapy. Im not talking about perfection, just about your home enveloping you, reflecting your passions, and telling your story. That can indeed add happiness to a person's daily life and set them up for a great day with a positive outlook. I believe it's something we take for granted, but if leaving dirty dishes in the sink makes you happy, by all means, to each, her own!
This entire piece is so so good and thank you for articulating the part of renovation brain - I have observed and been baffled by it, perfectly explained!
Prose like this, well, I felt as if...a house stuffed with stuff...until I was brought by an (imaginary) agent to that one room in the mansion of words where some restraint had been exercised, and I could inhale again, having finally got to the point of the tour, which was that I was never a buyer, just a voyeur. No, a (cultural) reporter. Fair dinkum.
Gosh I don't get it at all. I think every one of those pictures is hideous, interestingly all in a slightly different way. I think that's what's "off" about it -- squillions of dollars and no taste.
My husband subscribes to AD, which I flip through when it arrives. I think I remember this house and it did, and still does, look “off”. It has no soul. Stunning decor (to me anyway) but I wouldn’t have been surprised if you’d find, instead of a mattress, a plank of wood under the covers of that beautiful bed.
“It’s not even really about the music which is catchy but in the way that an entertaining musical is. Once the story ceases to matter the songs won’t seem so brilliant.”
Such a brilliant piece of writing. As an interior designer I have seen countless clients chasing a bigger beautiful home, I always start with why? It mostly blows their mind as their why is usually a Pinterest pic. Asking why can lead you to the right answer, sometimes one we won’t like but it might save the pain in the long run. How our homes look shouldn’t really feature too highly in our stresses, unfortunately they do. A home that creates belonging, love and meaningful connections should be our goal, that’s what we should all be striving for…
I do think the control element is real. I’ve noticed the scarier the world becomes and more fractious politics is, the more I escape to fabrics and lighting. I kind of like the English obsession with our homes and decorating them - I think it’s why we don’t do revolution or extremes! ( not a tested political theory admittedly) Though times being so fraught I do hope that continues and I also hate the idea that spending £££ on the ‘perfect Reno’ is normalized in an economy where many people are hurting and struggling with the basics let alone the soft furnishings!
Superb piece of writing! And a reminder, in the age of poring over other people's houses on social media, that a good looking house doesn't equal a joyful life. In fact sod it, I think this piece of writing is a covert cheer for the importance of mess and normality.
Yes! Leave the dishes in the sink!
It reminds me of this in Bernadine Evaristo’s book girl woman other.
‘I can tell Mum’s unfulfilled now we’ve all left home because she spends her time either cleaning it or redecorating it she’s never complained about her lot, or argued with him, a sure sign she’s oppressed
I grew up in a house that needed to be redecorated or clean to be happy and am now trying to undo that in myself. Welcoming the mess.
Maybe the album - are they still called albums? - is a Rorschach test? I'm also a child of divorce and have been divorced myself, but don't find Allen's new songs captivating because of real estate. Rather, I continue to ponder these tunes with admiration because she has transformed a traumatic personal experience into amazing art that appeals universally on two levels, namely, to surface emotions as a pop-music gem and to deeper ruminations on betrayal and lost love.
I used to be perfectly happy with my perfectly normal, comfortable but scruffy around the edges, homes. I have lived in NYC for more than a decade so honestly just being here in a place with a washer/dryer felt like a wild privilege. But social media, AD, House and Garden, I love them but my god they’ve RUINED me! I cannot tell you how often I’m dealing with a creeping sense of dissatisfaction with my Greenwich Village home (something I used to wander these streets dreaming of!) because it’s rickety and decorated by my own amateur eye, tragically lacking in bespoke carpentry and artfully placed wall sconces. The ridiculous thing is that this place has appeared in AD! Years ago a fancy fashion person scooped it up and renovated it and got a multi-page spread. I KNOW that it’s all smoke and mirrors and styling and lighting and editing and photos taken with every door left wide open because old Victorian houses are inherently gloomy. I know this. I’ve been on this side of the curtain a few times. I also get a jolt of excitement everytime I see a ‘real’ home, wonky and imperfect and mad and full of human mess. And still! I still feel like I’m kind of failing at this thing.
Personally I’ve never thought a ‘perfect home’ would protect me from anything, that it said anything about the relationships inside it, or that it was a way to exert control. I’ve always thought that the urge to feather your nest and make your little piece of the world beautiful is gloriously human. There can be a huge amount of meaning in it and I’m never ever going to be sniffy about anybody’s choice to focus on the domestic or question the personal value in doing so. We adorn ourselves in all kinds of pointless ways, and our environments matter hugely. Home decorating should just be an extension of that. The problem for me is the creeping idea that these extraordinary renovations are now the norm, the baseline, when in fact the only people I know with homes like this in the real world are designers or architects or people doing this for a living, or the children of scions and magnates.
It is interesting to me that I can turn this discernment on when looking at a filtered face or hearing about a #goals relationship, or looking at a mum influencer raising 5 kids with not a nanny in sight, but when it comes to my home I sort of lose all sense.
Incidentally, I think these magazines should include dollar amounts and professions in their pieces. The way House and Garden in particular tries to make every story sound like a whimsical little underdog artistic project when in reality the cost of renovation is astronomical. I got a quote for replacement floors which has me committed to rugs for the rest of my life! I’m quite sure I wouldn’t feel nearly as bad if the footnote reminded me that this was a hedge fund family who spent over $1m on the renovation or Lily got comped because she’s a celebrity, or the ‘cottage’ Lucy’s renovating is on her parents estate. I know it but maybe putting it in black and white might help me right-size my expectations. In the meantime I should just keep the floor proposal next to me as I scroll!
Your observation about discernment is so bang on. What is it about homes that alters our ability to filter? Fascinating!
‘….or the empty Welsh bothy occupied by a pair of vegan potters from Portland Oregon who accidentally drunk-bought the place on the internet one night, then moved in and home-birthed four daughters and a lamb’
made me choke on my tea.
Brilliant piece!
This (and also everything else you captured in this article) so good:
"It’s the delusion that if we can just focus on the details, fuss and fuss and fuss, eventually we will make everything perfectly perfect and shiny on the outside and the inside will naturally follow suit."
Thanks for ripping off the Zen bandaid of focusing on the moment.
Thanks!
The most shocking thing to me about the entire story (because it’s not really shocking to hear about a married man shagging around) is the fact that within the last few years you could pick up a brownstone in Brooklyn for $2m.
I thought it was $4 million?
$3.35M in 2021, before the renovation. Today though you can't pick up a brownstone in that area under $5M unless it needs a gut. (You can find something for $2-3M in Bed-Stuy still!)
I read $2m the other day. Maybe I’m wrong. Seemed cheap.
Maybe she got free it in a contra deal.
Well-here's an Interior designer's opinion. I dislike that house so deeply. Cottage core, granny-chic, whatever you want to call it, it's soul-less likely because even though it has that vintage look, I don't see any personal effects, it's too much, too frilly, overdone.
As for AD, the celebrity angle doesn't work for me. Like Leah wrote, who wants to see celebrity homes? I'd rather see how designers and architects are solving problems, merging the natural with the built environment, and who the new artisan furniture designers are (which is why Elle Decor and California Homes and Luxe Interiors have become my reads).
There was an article I read very recently by a Canadian doctor, who said that your surroundings at home and how they make you feel can be of as much value in de-stressing as therapy. Im not talking about perfection, just about your home enveloping you, reflecting your passions, and telling your story. That can indeed add happiness to a person's daily life and set them up for a great day with a positive outlook. I believe it's something we take for granted, but if leaving dirty dishes in the sink makes you happy, by all means, to each, her own!
love this take
This entire piece is so so good and thank you for articulating the part of renovation brain - I have observed and been baffled by it, perfectly explained!
Gosh, yes. I felt so…exposed. (And laughed so much). I’ve spent three years on a renovation. And I’ve become so boring. And I’m 39.
You will get through this x
thank you Poorna — I love your writing AND your flower pics!
“Your perfect house won’t save you”. Thank you for that glass of water to the face
Prose like this, well, I felt as if...a house stuffed with stuff...until I was brought by an (imaginary) agent to that one room in the mansion of words where some restraint had been exercised, and I could inhale again, having finally got to the point of the tour, which was that I was never a buyer, just a voyeur. No, a (cultural) reporter. Fair dinkum.
Love me or leave me, I’m a maximalist!
I ain't the love 'em and leave 'em type. :)
Gosh I don't get it at all. I think every one of those pictures is hideous, interestingly all in a slightly different way. I think that's what's "off" about it -- squillions of dollars and no taste.
I love your take on this. Superb writing 👌🏽
My husband subscribes to AD, which I flip through when it arrives. I think I remember this house and it did, and still does, look “off”. It has no soul. Stunning decor (to me anyway) but I wouldn’t have been surprised if you’d find, instead of a mattress, a plank of wood under the covers of that beautiful bed.
I love that your husband subscribes to AD!
“It’s not even really about the music which is catchy but in the way that an entertaining musical is. Once the story ceases to matter the songs won’t seem so brilliant.”
Haha, excellent…on both levels.
thank you sir!
Such a brilliant piece of writing. As an interior designer I have seen countless clients chasing a bigger beautiful home, I always start with why? It mostly blows their mind as their why is usually a Pinterest pic. Asking why can lead you to the right answer, sometimes one we won’t like but it might save the pain in the long run. How our homes look shouldn’t really feature too highly in our stresses, unfortunately they do. A home that creates belonging, love and meaningful connections should be our goal, that’s what we should all be striving for…
I do think the control element is real. I’ve noticed the scarier the world becomes and more fractious politics is, the more I escape to fabrics and lighting. I kind of like the English obsession with our homes and decorating them - I think it’s why we don’t do revolution or extremes! ( not a tested political theory admittedly) Though times being so fraught I do hope that continues and I also hate the idea that spending £££ on the ‘perfect Reno’ is normalized in an economy where many people are hurting and struggling with the basics let alone the soft furnishings!
I agree! But budget isn’t the measure https://open.substack.com/pub/leahmclaren/p/how-i-transformed-my-divorce-haunted?r=1092b&utm_medium=ios