I’m currently on holiday alone, staying in a little Greek guest house high on a hill overlooking the dreamy isle of Poros. Technically it’s a working holiday (I’m trying to finish a novel). This morning I took a long swim in the sea and as I was floating on my back starring at the sky it occurred to me this is the first trip I’ve ever taken alone that wasn’t strictly for work or visiting someone.
I swerved to avoid a wild boar on the road last night and nearly plunged my hire car off a cliff into a thousand-foot olive gorge. But apart from that, I’m loving it.
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I’m aware most people don’t holiday alone because they get lonely. I get that. I used to get lonely. Not sure why it doesn’t happen so much anymore. Something about the intensity of family life and taking my writing seriously… or maybe I just don’t irritate myself as much as I used to.
I’m also aware it’s a borderline-weird, if not outright suspicious, thing to do.
The locals are all like, Madame, are you alone? Just for one? Really? Will anyone else be joining? No? Just for you? Are you married? Do you have children? Where are your children? Ah, you are so lucky to have such a nice kind patient husband…
Then they bring me a glistening green bottle of beer and some complimentary purple figs served with a tiny silver knife a fat white wodge of feta cheese I forgive them. Utterly and completely.
So my question: Would you go on holiday alone? Why or why not? If you have, what was it like? Do you want to but can’t? Or maybe you can but don’t fancy it? How come?
Be honest, I won’t judge. How could I? I’m a woman on holiday alone.
My friend Livingston, who like me has three kids, used to say when his family went off without him (he "had to work") they may have been on vacation but he was the one having a holiday. Or was it the other way around? Either way, enjoy the figs and feta-- though personally, I'd prefer a nice Stilton with the figs. Basically: ooh, you lucky duck. And you're already "finishing" a novel so soon after your memoir comes out? Man you're leaving the rest of us lazy bums in the dust
Stilton wouldn't hold up to this heat, it's meant for northern France. And yes the 'home alone' holiday is also a wonderful thing. Except there's the impetus to do housework, which I mostly ignore obviously but it's still there... nagging and whinging like a nasty little toy poodle (the kind that bites children). As for the novel "finishing" as in a first draft... which as you know is as far away from finished as we are from the moon.
I've done a bit of solo travelling and really enjoy the autonomy of doing what I want, when I want. There's no one to debate with over where to have dinner. I think travelling on my own (as opposed to as a couple or family) has made me seem more approachable. Locals seem more eager to chat.
I've travelled on my own in NYC and I'm always able to get a seat at the bar at restaurants, meanwhile, there is often a line up outside of groups of people waiting for tables. Eating at the bar often leads to great conversations with locals and other travellers.
I drove cross-country (USA) alone twice in my early 20s, once west to east and a year or so later east to west on a different route. This was long before the days of satellite radio or in-dash navigation or cell phones. I'm pretty sure I saw half of the state of Ohio via its backroads after getting lost on one stretch, and I saw places and met people I'd never have experienced otherwise. I still look back on those two trips as two incredible weeks of personal growth, introspection, and exploration unhindered by anyone else's needs or expectations. Looking back on it now, 30+ years later, it was kind of magical.
BC author, Paul St. Pierre wrote a short story about a mail order bride who took up with a rancher in Lillooet. Her terms included the right to go on a holiday by herself once every year. He was not to ask where she was going or, when she returned, what she did on her holiday.
Some years went by, but one year his curiousity got the better of him. He tracked her down and went to where she was, finding her quite alone, nothing untoward going on.
I've traveled alone a lot although mostly to London (UK not Ontario) and I've done that 20 times or more - in fact, I'd rather go to London alone - no compromising on what i want to do. I have also taken a small group travel trip alone and that has been really good and luckily there has always been someone on the trip to hang out with. (small group = under 15 or so) I wish I was the type of traveler who could go to points unknown and just travel around - I'm not though. For trips like that, it is more fun to have a travel companion.
Travelling solo is where the real growth happens. I wrote a blog about not only how wonderful it can be (once you get over the awkwardness of eating dinner by yourself) but how to be smart about it. Two pointers. Make sure you are sharing your location with friends and family. If that boar gets the better of your car, you’d be thankful. The other thing, a Apple Watch (not a paid endorsement), a single traveller’s best friend. If you fall, have a accident, your heart starts irregularly beating, and it happened to me, the falling bit, ( full disclosure it was at a Jubilee Street party and there was a cocktail in my hand), it will send a message to your emergency contact person if you don’t respond immediately and tell Apple the only thing you hurt was your pride. Because accidents can happen, and if you’re on a less trodden path than Mayfair’s S. Audley Street you will thank whatever god you might believe in. Everyone should travel at least once on your own. It’s in that quiet you’ll discover you’re awesomeness.
This made me laugh! It did occur to me that even if I'd broken my back plunging into an olive grove to avoid a wild boar and lived to tell the tale I *still* wouldn't have a better story than if I'd, say, broken my pelvis falling off a riding a giant bicycle through the desert at the music festival with a bunch of stoned teenagers. Damn you to hell!
Likely, with fewer (if any) societal challenges or culturally motivated gender based “lone” traveller questions; yet for my own reasons and motivations somehow equally daunting.
Hitch hiked from London (arrived the day the Falkland’s War began – the English were in a fine mood - “No More Argy Bargy” was a headline). Through France around Corsica and back. April & May 1982. Had to make it work with $2k. The French were fabulous hosts to a scraggly, sunburnt Canadian with a wild beard.
God, yes. I love being alone and love having adventures alone. I've spent time in France alone and found that waiters took extra time to be accommodating to the woman traveling by herself and a book. I've traveled quite a bit through California alone and one of my favorite things is scenic driving-- and i love never having to worry about, is the other person tired of this? Do they want to go back? I can just totally enjoy myself. I'm very jealous of your solo travel - sounds amazing. Enjoy!
Yes! Like Julie says (above) not having to make all those decisions and worry about anyone else's mental state is very VERY relaxing. I'm much better at family life when it's structured and the best holidays are not. Which probably explains why so many people go in for all-inclusive compound holidays or Disney cruises or whatever... the absence of choice can be freeing. But I LIKE making choices and I LIKE exploring. It's so difficult managing everyone else's agenda and feelings... especially for a codependent weirdo like me. And I agree with you that waiters are extra-accommodating to lone women. I couldn't care less if it's out of pity. BRING ON THE PITY I say.
I’ve had a rare life since I’ve loved and been loved by one of the good ones for 30 years. He has passed. He was given a year to live the same week we were all locked down for Covid the first time. In the before times we were happy loners together. Choosing to travel abroad/ and attend countless live music performances, almost always just us. We have 2 now adult children we treasure and we enjoy friendships together and individually, but this is how we wanted it. Everyone in our small circle questioned this obsession we had with still prioritizing quality alone time after so many years. We had little disposable income. I’m sure more money would’ve mixed things up a bit.
So back to now, I took an inexpensive Caribbean week with my daughter last winter but I know a solo journey is in my future. It is necessary if I’m going to continue to enjoy what I enjoy. My tastes are what they are and I can never replace my perfect co-traveller. When I’m ready, I know I have to travel by myself for myself. For me travelling to an ocean is self care- a la mental health maintenance!
btw found you here after after listening to your memoir. ( I became a Libby addict during these horrible months) What a freaking fabulous book! & I so enjoyed your articles decades ago though I didn’t make the connection till well into YOUR story.
Until I started caring for my Mum with Alzheime'rs recently, I spent most of my time alone (with a focus on writing) since my young adult kids have grown up and my health is better with less travel. So I prefer to holiday with others but would love a 'writing holiday' alone.
Until a sudden change of circumstances led to caring for Mum, I planned to apply for a week-long WestWords-Varuna Emerging Writers' Residency in the Blue Mountains west of Sydney. I planned to seek assistance with a developmental edit of my memoir, 'Am I a Good Mother?' For now, my first priority is providing the best care I can for Mum aided by various health professionals with a plan to move to a healthier home in the next two months.
I’ve had one holiday alone when I was single, in my early 30s. I went to Paris on both sides of a week at a cooking school in rural France. I loved the cooking school.! It was a fun week with an interesting group of people. I think I was the only single; most were female friends travelling together but it didn’t matter at all.
But Paris alone was no fun at all. I had been before and many times since but to me, Paris is a city best enjoyed with a (very close) friend.
I have done many short trips alone, mostly visiting our son at universities in NC, and now in NYC. My inner barfly emerges! I’ve had many interesting conversations with people I’ve never seen again but remember fondly.
My friend Livingston, who like me has three kids, used to say when his family went off without him (he "had to work") they may have been on vacation but he was the one having a holiday. Or was it the other way around? Either way, enjoy the figs and feta-- though personally, I'd prefer a nice Stilton with the figs. Basically: ooh, you lucky duck. And you're already "finishing" a novel so soon after your memoir comes out? Man you're leaving the rest of us lazy bums in the dust
Stilton wouldn't hold up to this heat, it's meant for northern France. And yes the 'home alone' holiday is also a wonderful thing. Except there's the impetus to do housework, which I mostly ignore obviously but it's still there... nagging and whinging like a nasty little toy poodle (the kind that bites children). As for the novel "finishing" as in a first draft... which as you know is as far away from finished as we are from the moon.
So glad to hear another novel is in the works!
p.s. Everyone LOVES your Q&A. Your public is baying for you baby!
I've done a bit of solo travelling and really enjoy the autonomy of doing what I want, when I want. There's no one to debate with over where to have dinner. I think travelling on my own (as opposed to as a couple or family) has made me seem more approachable. Locals seem more eager to chat.
I've travelled on my own in NYC and I'm always able to get a seat at the bar at restaurants, meanwhile, there is often a line up outside of groups of people waiting for tables. Eating at the bar often leads to great conversations with locals and other travellers.
Totally agree. I also like travelling alone and talking to random people... bar seats rock.
Eating at a bar when you’re alone is the ticket!
I drove cross-country (USA) alone twice in my early 20s, once west to east and a year or so later east to west on a different route. This was long before the days of satellite radio or in-dash navigation or cell phones. I'm pretty sure I saw half of the state of Ohio via its backroads after getting lost on one stretch, and I saw places and met people I'd never have experienced otherwise. I still look back on those two trips as two incredible weeks of personal growth, introspection, and exploration unhindered by anyone else's needs or expectations. Looking back on it now, 30+ years later, it was kind of magical.
I’ve never done the cross country American/Canadian road trip but dying to!
BC author, Paul St. Pierre wrote a short story about a mail order bride who took up with a rancher in Lillooet. Her terms included the right to go on a holiday by herself once every year. He was not to ask where she was going or, when she returned, what she did on her holiday.
Some years went by, but one year his curiousity got the better of him. He tracked her down and went to where she was, finding her quite alone, nothing untoward going on.
She left him immediately and irrevocably.
That mail order bride had it figured out!
I love travelling alone
I've traveled alone a lot although mostly to London (UK not Ontario) and I've done that 20 times or more - in fact, I'd rather go to London alone - no compromising on what i want to do. I have also taken a small group travel trip alone and that has been really good and luckily there has always been someone on the trip to hang out with. (small group = under 15 or so) I wish I was the type of traveler who could go to points unknown and just travel around - I'm not though. For trips like that, it is more fun to have a travel companion.
Travelling solo is where the real growth happens. I wrote a blog about not only how wonderful it can be (once you get over the awkwardness of eating dinner by yourself) but how to be smart about it. Two pointers. Make sure you are sharing your location with friends and family. If that boar gets the better of your car, you’d be thankful. The other thing, a Apple Watch (not a paid endorsement), a single traveller’s best friend. If you fall, have a accident, your heart starts irregularly beating, and it happened to me, the falling bit, ( full disclosure it was at a Jubilee Street party and there was a cocktail in my hand), it will send a message to your emergency contact person if you don’t respond immediately and tell Apple the only thing you hurt was your pride. Because accidents can happen, and if you’re on a less trodden path than Mayfair’s S. Audley Street you will thank whatever god you might believe in. Everyone should travel at least once on your own. It’s in that quiet you’ll discover you’re awesomeness.
This made me laugh! It did occur to me that even if I'd broken my back plunging into an olive grove to avoid a wild boar and lived to tell the tale I *still* wouldn't have a better story than if I'd, say, broken my pelvis falling off a riding a giant bicycle through the desert at the music festival with a bunch of stoned teenagers. Damn you to hell!
I didn’t think about how helpful an Apple watch could be
I’m flirting with the idea of doing just that.
Likely, with fewer (if any) societal challenges or culturally motivated gender based “lone” traveller questions; yet for my own reasons and motivations somehow equally daunting.
Do. It.
doitdoitdoitdoitdoit!
Hitch hiked from London (arrived the day the Falkland’s War began – the English were in a fine mood - “No More Argy Bargy” was a headline). Through France around Corsica and back. April & May 1982. Had to make it work with $2k. The French were fabulous hosts to a scraggly, sunburnt Canadian with a wild beard.
God, yes. I love being alone and love having adventures alone. I've spent time in France alone and found that waiters took extra time to be accommodating to the woman traveling by herself and a book. I've traveled quite a bit through California alone and one of my favorite things is scenic driving-- and i love never having to worry about, is the other person tired of this? Do they want to go back? I can just totally enjoy myself. I'm very jealous of your solo travel - sounds amazing. Enjoy!
Yes! Like Julie says (above) not having to make all those decisions and worry about anyone else's mental state is very VERY relaxing. I'm much better at family life when it's structured and the best holidays are not. Which probably explains why so many people go in for all-inclusive compound holidays or Disney cruises or whatever... the absence of choice can be freeing. But I LIKE making choices and I LIKE exploring. It's so difficult managing everyone else's agenda and feelings... especially for a codependent weirdo like me. And I agree with you that waiters are extra-accommodating to lone women. I couldn't care less if it's out of pity. BRING ON THE PITY I say.
Yes! I’m realizing this has become a necessity.
I’ve had a rare life since I’ve loved and been loved by one of the good ones for 30 years. He has passed. He was given a year to live the same week we were all locked down for Covid the first time. In the before times we were happy loners together. Choosing to travel abroad/ and attend countless live music performances, almost always just us. We have 2 now adult children we treasure and we enjoy friendships together and individually, but this is how we wanted it. Everyone in our small circle questioned this obsession we had with still prioritizing quality alone time after so many years. We had little disposable income. I’m sure more money would’ve mixed things up a bit.
So back to now, I took an inexpensive Caribbean week with my daughter last winter but I know a solo journey is in my future. It is necessary if I’m going to continue to enjoy what I enjoy. My tastes are what they are and I can never replace my perfect co-traveller. When I’m ready, I know I have to travel by myself for myself. For me travelling to an ocean is self care- a la mental health maintenance!
btw found you here after after listening to your memoir. ( I became a Libby addict during these horrible months) What a freaking fabulous book! & I so enjoyed your articles decades ago though I didn’t make the connection till well into YOUR story.
Until I started caring for my Mum with Alzheime'rs recently, I spent most of my time alone (with a focus on writing) since my young adult kids have grown up and my health is better with less travel. So I prefer to holiday with others but would love a 'writing holiday' alone.
Until a sudden change of circumstances led to caring for Mum, I planned to apply for a week-long WestWords-Varuna Emerging Writers' Residency in the Blue Mountains west of Sydney. I planned to seek assistance with a developmental edit of my memoir, 'Am I a Good Mother?' For now, my first priority is providing the best care I can for Mum aided by various health professionals with a plan to move to a healthier home in the next two months.
It helps to drink alcohol though when it comes to meeting new people
I’d like to see your research on that.
Is this sarcasm or do you want an actual academic paper 😂
Sarcasm— the non-bitchy kind! The British birth rate would have bottomed out in the 1300s without alcohol
Thank God!!! Although there are actual studies, admittedly not that many tho, lauding the importance of alcohol to inter tribal mingling
I’ve had one holiday alone when I was single, in my early 30s. I went to Paris on both sides of a week at a cooking school in rural France. I loved the cooking school.! It was a fun week with an interesting group of people. I think I was the only single; most were female friends travelling together but it didn’t matter at all.
But Paris alone was no fun at all. I had been before and many times since but to me, Paris is a city best enjoyed with a (very close) friend.
I have done many short trips alone, mostly visiting our son at universities in NC, and now in NYC. My inner barfly emerges! I’ve had many interesting conversations with people I’ve never seen again but remember fondly.