erotic thriller

raw notes

For the past year or so I’ve been working on an erotic thriller. When I say “working” I mean fiddling away at night after the kids go to bed, in my non-existent spare time. I’m still not entirely sure what form it will take if it takes shape at all. Basically it’s just a notebook, a file — bits of dialogue, half-formed character descriptions, fragments images, observations, scenes, lists upon lists. It’s bit of a mess really but I keep returning to it. And over time it’s become a feverish little dreamworld, a place I want to go. Sometimes this is how things start. I’ll open a new notebook (in this case a google doc) and just keep adding to it. Then an image pushes through, a voice insists upon itself. A story shimmers into view. Writing longish things — especially books, especially fiction — is a bit like commuting to an alternate universe. If it’s going to be anything ever, you have want to go return there again and again and again. You have to be willing to get lost.

At this point all I know for sure about Erotic Thriller (italics feel cringe!) is that it’s set in contemporary London and the protagonist is a mum. I know it’s about love and money, sex and shame. Pleasure and paranoia. The goddamn fucking internet. The bargains we make in order to survive.¹

I know there’s a cop. Several cops actually, but one in particular. And violence — the constant lurking threat. That sense of menace that can creeps in when everyday life goes awry.

In truth I’m still figuring out exactly it’s about and the file is sixty thousand words. So this is what I’m doing:

In honour of Valentines month I’ve decided to share series of excerpts ripped from my dirty, messy Erotic Thriller notebook. I’ll be posting short weekly vingettes for the next little while. Be warned, they are rough and revealing, emotionally raw — at times explicitly so. Because I’m shy², they will be for paid subscribers only.