most of us don't put nearly enough thought into how to make and maintain fulfilling friendships, so I came up with some rules (another off-the-cuff video from Kensal Green Cemetery)
Hi Leah - Enjoyed this very much. To me the best friends really are family, and are to be treasured. I’m glad I met you and Christina so briefly in SW France way back in 2019 and have been enjoying your writing and perspectives…thanks
Your cemetery talk made me smile Leah, & feel a bit uncomfortable concurrently. I'm a person who needs people (for ideas, laughter, project development etc.) but I find one very special person is enough 99% of the time. What keeps me from cultivating more friends outside of my wonderful marriage is the feeling of responsibility that goes with attachment. My inner voice often asks the companion what do you want from me? Coincidental to your latest posting I think I had my final conversation with a long time friend who was verbally expressing his dissatisfaction with our times together. He wanted more than I was prepared to give and I remember saying to him more than once, "Friendship is not a negotiation." Pray for me.
Thanks Leah, I get it, and then I think of the lyrics of probably my favourite song; "...Why am I soft in the middle? The rest of my life is so hard..." Friendship, like life, is meant to be a musical flow not some riotous yelling match between alleycats in a tin-pan alley. Lots of visual here and probably little chance of redemption. Just call me Al.
Were you at all surprised by who turned out to be a supportive, true friend? I was. A couple of women I knew but not closely were, and still are, there for me. Some whom I thought were closer…not so much. I’ve made it perfectly clear that it’s too late and I’m no longer interested in any kind of relationship with that group. And I don’t buy the “well they didn’t know what to say” line that mutual friends have tried to pedal. Done and dusted!
This is a gorgeous wee post, Leah. I'm heading off with my oldest friends in a fortnight and we're all excited since it's been five years since we all managed it. FIVE years. HOW. I don't know where I'd be without my various gangs / individuals, who all enrich my life in different ways. But you're right: we have to nurture the friendships we value the most. Be adaptable. Be forgiving. AND be ready to cull when necessary...
Hi Leah - Enjoyed this very much. To me the best friends really are family, and are to be treasured. I’m glad I met you and Christina so briefly in SW France way back in 2019 and have been enjoying your writing and perspectives…thanks
I remember you well, Laura! So wonderful to have you here. x
It’s so lovely to post from the cemetery. 🪦 i read this after a girl I know said she didn’t want friends and that made me realise how unwell she was.
that is madness. who wouldn't want friends?
Someone who has been inhabiting dark milieus?
Your cemetery talk made me smile Leah, & feel a bit uncomfortable concurrently. I'm a person who needs people (for ideas, laughter, project development etc.) but I find one very special person is enough 99% of the time. What keeps me from cultivating more friends outside of my wonderful marriage is the feeling of responsibility that goes with attachment. My inner voice often asks the companion what do you want from me? Coincidental to your latest posting I think I had my final conversation with a long time friend who was verbally expressing his dissatisfaction with our times together. He wanted more than I was prepared to give and I remember saying to him more than once, "Friendship is not a negotiation." Pray for me.
i think everything is a negotiation, you were just setting a boundary -- which is what negotiating is for!
Thanks Leah, I get it, and then I think of the lyrics of probably my favourite song; "...Why am I soft in the middle? The rest of my life is so hard..." Friendship, like life, is meant to be a musical flow not some riotous yelling match between alleycats in a tin-pan alley. Lots of visual here and probably little chance of redemption. Just call me Al.
Were you at all surprised by who turned out to be a supportive, true friend? I was. A couple of women I knew but not closely were, and still are, there for me. Some whom I thought were closer…not so much. I’ve made it perfectly clear that it’s too late and I’m no longer interested in any kind of relationship with that group. And I don’t buy the “well they didn’t know what to say” line that mutual friends have tried to pedal. Done and dusted!
I agree 100% re: not knowing what to say. anything is SO MUCH better than nothing. x
This is a gorgeous wee post, Leah. I'm heading off with my oldest friends in a fortnight and we're all excited since it's been five years since we all managed it. FIVE years. HOW. I don't know where I'd be without my various gangs / individuals, who all enrich my life in different ways. But you're right: we have to nurture the friendships we value the most. Be adaptable. Be forgiving. AND be ready to cull when necessary...
thank you! five years is too long, i hope you have a wonderful reunion x
Good rules and I’m glad to have recently cultivated your friendship 😀
Likewise! It's a cult. x
I love you Leah. Thank you for this.