Lea, very realistic summary. Having had many experiences with both personality disorders and schizophrenia , not i think my own🤣,appreciated your article. Hard to deal with whether family or friends. As an 82 year old I saw when Ontario closed so many what they called mental hospitals like queen st. Next thing chronic patients were living in desperately awful boarding houses . Now they are considering changing the laws that would only give these people help as to being again in a decent long term hospital if they proved to be a danger to themselves or someone else. If this is enacted hopefully we will see less sleeping on the street and living in a nicer environment as before. Queen st had gardens , crafts .and decent food and bed for chronic schizophrenia sufferers. Let’s hope new medicines will be found to not necessitate this , but until then?
The situation in Canada is baffling and awful as I understand it, and in a way that's totally different to here where people are still routinely sectioned. I don't know what the answer is but there has got to be a middle ground between the two extremes surely. And better support for all involved. Sufferers and families are being left behind everywhere. Thanks for reading and sharing this. x
I feel so much for you and your sons. A very close relative of mine lost her husband and her marriage to acute mental illness and her grief has been lonely and isolating. On bad days with my mum’s dementia I used to think I’d lost her in almost every conceivable way, but so few people understood it as a loss. This is a really important piece and yes to having more language and less stigma.
Thank you Sasha. I often think of people caring for those with dementia and how the premature loss goes unacknowledged. We do need a better way to talk about it. Thanks for sharing this.
Your son's question causes a shattering pain. Read this somewhere: "But sanity and insanity, I guess it’s just a matter of what you believe to be true and false, what so-called truths you put your faith in." If one's mind lines up behind ideas, concepts, notions and beliefs that require one to evolve a highly personal world in which they achieve their apotheosis, but which leaves one unable to function in the worlds outside it, how's a pill, an electric jolt, a coddling therapy going to effect a salutary change? But you know, hypnosis coupled with a strategy to challenge and change the sufferer's basic assumptions might work. It just might penetrate the complex of defences that such a person erects to protect their magic kingdom. It's interesting isn't it, that you found your way to hypnosis? Like somehow you apprehended its power, that it might enable you to answer your children's questions.
Thanks Vian. That insanity quote holds a lot of devastating truth. I sometimes feel like we are all collectively losing our minds but when you actually see it actually happen to someone it's different somehow... it was only when I actually observed a fragmented psyche that I really understood the concept and began to believe in it. Reality is pretty intangible but people are somehow less so. That's the best way I can put it. Hope you are well.
Some sanity is lost to diseases (ie schizophrenia) of the brain, so abberent ideation is not the underlying cause. Hypnosis and other "talk" treatments won't help. But in non-physiological mental illness, just maybe. To wit: a close family member of mine has concocted a false history of her life and is absolutely committed to it. She has been pushed to the periphery of family life because her attachment to this history is so at odds with others. It causes everyone, most especially her, great pain. It would take someone very clever indeed to take that history apart and enable her to revisit her past to make connections more consonant with her actual, not perceived existence. Something like a very good cross examiner coupled with a superb coach. The quote, incidentally, is from my just finished book, aptly entitled CUCKOO.
My heart is breaking for you and your boys, Leah. But you are strong and competent and will soldier on with great success.
You’re absolutely right that acute mental illness is much less “sexy” than the stuff most of us suffer from. It’s complex, mysterious, mercurial, messy and sometimes deadly.
In spite of this devastating storm, you will not only survive but thrive. I just know it🙏
I am so sorry for your colossal loss. I do think we are very prepared to care for the "worried well" and even to give "trauma therapy" for those who can receive it, but for those who have taken a big break from reality, acutely, and who live among us, this is so hard.
New subscriber, long time fan. Yes. Today, ironically, is the 2nd anniversary of my sister’s suicide. Her profile is similar to the one you describe. The heartbreak of a system that can’t seem to help, couldn’t help her - or us - to prevent her death… well. I have only been able to conclude one thing : if there’s nothing one can do about the mental illness itself, or the poverty that can often ensue, one can make an effort to help them to feel less… alone. Less isolated. That may mean being uncomfortable in all sorts of ways, because its can be hard spending time with someone who’s mental illness is acute and chronic, but in the great scheme of things… I guess I’d say, you know, suck it up. Honestly, I think that was my failure. And I’ve tried to learn from that. We may be limited in what we can materially change in some people’s lives, or their brain chemistry, or the trauma they experienced or inherited… but maybe, occasionally, we can help by making them feel less lonely in the world.
As with so many things we've transferred societal and community responsibilities to the individual and their loved ones. Your sister and and your family's tragedy is our failure, our failure to provide enough care, supports and most of all acceptance. By this I don't just mean medical interventions but to lessen isolation, poverty and stigma. To create a space for the afflicted to participate and be embraced by community. Housing, food, kinship, respect to not cure mental illness but they lessen the burden. We've have just decided this is simply not important. I am sorry for your loss.
I'm so sorry for what you and your family have been through. It is absolutely not your failure. The system is a disaster for sufferers and families alike.
I really appreciate this - and all the comments. And you, Leah, for writing about it to begin with. A rich thread. I agree the system - meaning society - has failed so many, including my sister. Acutely. My efforts have been to examine what is/was under my… control. And that, apart from broader advocacy, is my presence. Where I put myself and who I put myself with. Helping someone feel less isolated, making an effort anyway, is the one the thing I truly have agency over. One thing I don’t need a social worker to show up for, or a doctor, or or or. And… sometimes… it can lead to more compassion. For oneself as well as others.
As a HCW I could not agree more strongly that we have abandoned acute, severe mental health issues. They remain poorly-understood, researched, diagnosed and treated. We offer 21st century medicine for heart ailments and 18th century care for mental health which ravages another vital organ. Over time many patients will turn to drugs or alcohol to alleviate their suffering, this results in even less care as they now carry the stigma of addiction. There are no words to describe how we've betrayed these patients and their loved ones.
Lea, very realistic summary. Having had many experiences with both personality disorders and schizophrenia , not i think my own🤣,appreciated your article. Hard to deal with whether family or friends. As an 82 year old I saw when Ontario closed so many what they called mental hospitals like queen st. Next thing chronic patients were living in desperately awful boarding houses . Now they are considering changing the laws that would only give these people help as to being again in a decent long term hospital if they proved to be a danger to themselves or someone else. If this is enacted hopefully we will see less sleeping on the street and living in a nicer environment as before. Queen st had gardens , crafts .and decent food and bed for chronic schizophrenia sufferers. Let’s hope new medicines will be found to not necessitate this , but until then?
The situation in Canada is baffling and awful as I understand it, and in a way that's totally different to here where people are still routinely sectioned. I don't know what the answer is but there has got to be a middle ground between the two extremes surely. And better support for all involved. Sufferers and families are being left behind everywhere. Thanks for reading and sharing this. x
Distressing doesn’t cover it. Your darling boys need answers where there seems to be a wall of denial, fear, perhaps and lines in the sand.
The birds will sing and spirits will lift at the oddest times.
Good luck to all of you.
Ahh Pam. Thank you and good luck to you too. x
I feel so much for you and your sons. A very close relative of mine lost her husband and her marriage to acute mental illness and her grief has been lonely and isolating. On bad days with my mum’s dementia I used to think I’d lost her in almost every conceivable way, but so few people understood it as a loss. This is a really important piece and yes to having more language and less stigma.
Thank you Sasha. I often think of people caring for those with dementia and how the premature loss goes unacknowledged. We do need a better way to talk about it. Thanks for sharing this.
Your son's question causes a shattering pain. Read this somewhere: "But sanity and insanity, I guess it’s just a matter of what you believe to be true and false, what so-called truths you put your faith in." If one's mind lines up behind ideas, concepts, notions and beliefs that require one to evolve a highly personal world in which they achieve their apotheosis, but which leaves one unable to function in the worlds outside it, how's a pill, an electric jolt, a coddling therapy going to effect a salutary change? But you know, hypnosis coupled with a strategy to challenge and change the sufferer's basic assumptions might work. It just might penetrate the complex of defences that such a person erects to protect their magic kingdom. It's interesting isn't it, that you found your way to hypnosis? Like somehow you apprehended its power, that it might enable you to answer your children's questions.
Thanks Vian. That insanity quote holds a lot of devastating truth. I sometimes feel like we are all collectively losing our minds but when you actually see it actually happen to someone it's different somehow... it was only when I actually observed a fragmented psyche that I really understood the concept and began to believe in it. Reality is pretty intangible but people are somehow less so. That's the best way I can put it. Hope you are well.
Some sanity is lost to diseases (ie schizophrenia) of the brain, so abberent ideation is not the underlying cause. Hypnosis and other "talk" treatments won't help. But in non-physiological mental illness, just maybe. To wit: a close family member of mine has concocted a false history of her life and is absolutely committed to it. She has been pushed to the periphery of family life because her attachment to this history is so at odds with others. It causes everyone, most especially her, great pain. It would take someone very clever indeed to take that history apart and enable her to revisit her past to make connections more consonant with her actual, not perceived existence. Something like a very good cross examiner coupled with a superb coach. The quote, incidentally, is from my just finished book, aptly entitled CUCKOO.
My heart is breaking for you and your boys, Leah. But you are strong and competent and will soldier on with great success.
You’re absolutely right that acute mental illness is much less “sexy” than the stuff most of us suffer from. It’s complex, mysterious, mercurial, messy and sometimes deadly.
In spite of this devastating storm, you will not only survive but thrive. I just know it🙏
Thanks Gina. Yes, nothing sexy about it. And you're right. I am soldiering. x
I am so sorry for your colossal loss. I do think we are very prepared to care for the "worried well" and even to give "trauma therapy" for those who can receive it, but for those who have taken a big break from reality, acutely, and who live among us, this is so hard.
The big break is a good way of putting it. And yes, it's very, very hard. Thank you.
New subscriber, long time fan. Yes. Today, ironically, is the 2nd anniversary of my sister’s suicide. Her profile is similar to the one you describe. The heartbreak of a system that can’t seem to help, couldn’t help her - or us - to prevent her death… well. I have only been able to conclude one thing : if there’s nothing one can do about the mental illness itself, or the poverty that can often ensue, one can make an effort to help them to feel less… alone. Less isolated. That may mean being uncomfortable in all sorts of ways, because its can be hard spending time with someone who’s mental illness is acute and chronic, but in the great scheme of things… I guess I’d say, you know, suck it up. Honestly, I think that was my failure. And I’ve tried to learn from that. We may be limited in what we can materially change in some people’s lives, or their brain chemistry, or the trauma they experienced or inherited… but maybe, occasionally, we can help by making them feel less lonely in the world.
As with so many things we've transferred societal and community responsibilities to the individual and their loved ones. Your sister and and your family's tragedy is our failure, our failure to provide enough care, supports and most of all acceptance. By this I don't just mean medical interventions but to lessen isolation, poverty and stigma. To create a space for the afflicted to participate and be embraced by community. Housing, food, kinship, respect to not cure mental illness but they lessen the burden. We've have just decided this is simply not important. I am sorry for your loss.
Devastatingly put.
I'm so sorry for what you and your family have been through. It is absolutely not your failure. The system is a disaster for sufferers and families alike.
I really appreciate this - and all the comments. And you, Leah, for writing about it to begin with. A rich thread. I agree the system - meaning society - has failed so many, including my sister. Acutely. My efforts have been to examine what is/was under my… control. And that, apart from broader advocacy, is my presence. Where I put myself and who I put myself with. Helping someone feel less isolated, making an effort anyway, is the one the thing I truly have agency over. One thing I don’t need a social worker to show up for, or a doctor, or or or. And… sometimes… it can lead to more compassion. For oneself as well as others.
As a HCW I could not agree more strongly that we have abandoned acute, severe mental health issues. They remain poorly-understood, researched, diagnosed and treated. We offer 21st century medicine for heart ailments and 18th century care for mental health which ravages another vital organ. Over time many patients will turn to drugs or alcohol to alleviate their suffering, this results in even less care as they now carry the stigma of addiction. There are no words to describe how we've betrayed these patients and their loved ones.
Thank you for posting this comment. So needed.