Hi Leah, I have been following your Substack postings for the last 18 months (give or take) and know this has been a very challenging time for you and your children. I hope you all "are on the other side" and finding joy in your lives now. I want to congratulate you for finishing your book draft especially during such a personally tumultuous time....you should be proud of yourself and I am inspired by your focus and creative resolve. I am not a writer per se, but I am a "creative" and definitely understand the empty feeling after completing such an intense body of work. There are feelings of excitement, exhiliration, adrenaline, exhaustion, anticipation and finally....calm. So...my advice is to enjoy the calm before the next stage of rewrites. I also want to say from my own experiences, that some of my most creative work has come out of the darkest times of my life. So I expect this next book of yours will embody your journey and I look forward to the shadows of dark and light.
Thank you Jo-Anne, for this incredibly kind and thoughtful comment. I can feel the warmth of sincerity of your words all the way over here in my little London shed. You are SO right about enjoying the calm. Calm is not my strong suit (!) but I am working on it (or more correctly, attempting to allow for it). Rest isn't just important for the work, it's part of the work. And as you wisely point out, even if all goes well, a first draft of anything is not the end but the beginning of a new stage of work. I never gets easier but it's worth it! I'd love to know what you make?
Hi Leah, Thank you for responding....what a delight to hear from you. Having gone through a divorce myself (no children involved) and being the product of divorced parents, I can see the situation from both sides. It is life changing, traumatic and emotional for all involved....enough said. As far as my creative process is concerned....well, I do a few things. I was trained as a weaver and have my own floor loom at home. I was a production weaver for a few years (very boring and repetitive...not my jam) and also worked on fabric design. I then went back to university and worked on my BFA specializing in photography which I love love love. Back in those days, I developed my own black and white photos and enjoyed the dark room as much as taking the photos because you can manipulate the images, which is very creative in and of itself. After doing this for awhile, I realized that I was missing weaving...the colours, textures, design, patterns and the rhythm. When I began to analyze my photos, I understood what draws me to this medium and I now have a vision for something new....my work is evolving . I am recently retired and have the time to focus on my art and this new venture. I have upgraded my equipment and am on an "intensive learning curve" to familiarize myself with the parameters and boundaries of what I can do. I don't want to go into too many details until I have a chance to create some work and develop my technique. I will keep you posted if you are interested. On a final note....continue to "allow for the calm" because that is where the creativity percolates!!
Thank you for your brave video Leah. You chose a word, 'gust' somewhere in your monologue that captured the essence of joy & relief that I have felt often in my life as a writing man. It reminded me of time spent on the west coastline of Vancouver Island where you can experience mighty winds and where I mourned the death of my first wife while simultaneously feeling stirrings of elation from meeting the woman who became my current wife. The gusts on that shoreline brought me reassurance that I still had good times ahead. I can't wait to read of this new book of yours.
I love that feeling of finishing and throwing to the wind. And I also know the rootlessness that follows. I haven’t had a chance to finish something in a long time!!!
It’s so weird isn’t it? It’s like emerging and blinking and thinking ‘I don’t know what I’m meant to be doing on this earth anymore’. It’s so odd. Also, as a single person, having no-one to tell means... did it even happen at all?! 👀🤔
So true about the single thing! Very odd to have no one to celebrate with. On the flip side: I always remember a moment in Elizabeth Jane Howard's memoir Slipstream in which she recounts sitting down to dinner with Kingsley Amis and saying, "Well, I finished my novel today," and him basically ignoring her and reaching for the wine.
Well, yes, that’s often the reality isn’t it? I remember when I had 13 or 14 agents all clambering to sign me and my ex refused to show any interest even though my friends were thrilled for me. All he said - finally - was: ‘just don’t become more famous than me.’
Thank you for being vulnerable Leah, and stepping out of your comfort zone to post this video. Perhaps there is a certain feeling of grief when one finishes a creative project, like saying goodbye to a friend that you’ve been with for ages. Be kind to yourself, and honour the fact that you are a badass ❤️
Thanks Katie. You are absolutely right and rest assured, I have no interest in being a "fluencer" of any kind. "Just reading" is the pinnacle of engagement. It's an act of devotion. I am humbled by it quite honestly and mostly it's all I want to do too!
Thanks for your courage Leah.The video looks and sounds great!! I too love that word "gust" and as I write it, I also think of "gusto", the excited wherewithal to do the beautiful and daunting work of finishing a draft. Way to go!!!
We haven't met, I am a writer over at What the Day Holds and am in process of editing my second memoir.
Hello Leah, you did a good job. Lovely lighting and framing, interesting background and authentic words. A good start to doing video - which is impactful for readers/viewers. I used to be a TV producer (far away and long ago) and I would have been giving you a thumbs up and saying 'cut, you did well.'
Seana! This is hugely heartening to hear, especially because it was completely unplanned and off the cuff and when I rewatch it all I can think is, "Brush your fucking hair and stop saying 'um'!"
As a "video experiment", commenting as one of your new readers, I'd have to say it was a success. That room (library?) you were in looks exotic. How much did it contribute to your work?
Wonderful to see and to hear your other voice, and to listen to an exhalation both emotional and intellectual. Congratulations on the completion of this part of the work. I say this part because, assuming the book moves forward in the publishing stream, there may be more: another edit or two, perhaps as trusted readers, your agent, your editor et al supply you with their thoughts.
I finished a new book - my fourth - in mid December. Today I shall finish its first edit. I know I will have at least two more edits before it will be done. But when it is done, I doubt that I will feel that sense of release, or joyful emptiness that you describe. I'd like to, but it the doubts about its merits will plague me until my end days. But, strangely, I don't mind.
I'm so glad you shared this Via because (as you know) most of writing is in the re-writing. I'm working on a new essay about self-editing (how difficult but also how important it is, as a skill), so I've been thinking along these lines. Any insights?
Well, I absolutely loved it too. I, as a Canadian illustrator who did many many books, I can completely relate to how you feel when you finish something. it’s an extraordinary feeling of emptiness combined with euphoria. And then often I would drop down and get sick, which is what a lot of my fellow creators would do. It can become a unexpected cycle. I’ve always enjoyed your writing back when you’re with the globe, and now to find you again is a treat.
So interesting you're an illustrator. "Finishing" is especially difficult for visual artists... my friend Nadine and I talk about this a lot. How did you know when you'd finished an illustration? (apart from the fact you probably had a deadline). I'd love to hear more.
Hi Leah... Writing is an individual sport so how one plays is probably idiosyncratic. But, here are some of the things I do.
I do as much editing as I can while writing the first draft. Keeping an eye out for spelling, punctuation and grammatical mistakes. I never get them all, but the text is a lot cleaner that it would be otherwise. But while I'm doing that, I try to keep various other things in mind like plotting, themes, pacing, and the characters voices and personalities. I'm looking for clangers. While I'm doing this I'll write a chunk and read it out loud and re-work anything that feels like a snag in the flow. I'll fix it before moving on. I never write too much at once - five, ten pages maybe.
During the second edit I also do it in chunks. The type of editing work I do while writing the first draft is much more intense, but now I am also reading the text like a hyper-critical reader not a writer, and this "reader" also reads the work aloud. Is the narrative pulling me along? Do the characters have psychological verisimilitude and are they sharply drawn? Are there sentences or paragraphs moving things forward? Where are the superfluities that can be excised? Am I using certain words and phrases too much? And the bigger - biggest - questions: Is it a worthwhile book? Have I created a compelling world? Do I care about it. Again, I never edit too much at a time.
Third edit: the (more or less) final shaping of the work. I try to read the thing through beginning to end during this edit, doing what I can to figure out what I can do to push beyond craft into something higher and better. Shifting shit around if I have to. Excising any remaining words and paragraphs that I loved to write but are unnecessary, especially meaningless tangents and discursive or didactic material that should have been dramatized instead of blathered on about. Sharpening characters. Making sure the plots and themes are seamless. Add or remove stuff to clarify and amplify the drama I've tried to create. Then I ponder. Do I have a sense of completeness; of "finish"? If not, the work goes on.
Fourth edit: Submit the work to others and pray for useful feedback. I will pay close attention to what they say and wrestle with comments that I disagree with until I feel secure about making the right artistic decisions, which is a right I reserve to myself, come what may.
But, Leah.... I am not a commercial success by any means, so get your salt shaker out, shake it, and take my process with a few grains of what comes out.
Hi Leah, I have been following your Substack postings for the last 18 months (give or take) and know this has been a very challenging time for you and your children. I hope you all "are on the other side" and finding joy in your lives now. I want to congratulate you for finishing your book draft especially during such a personally tumultuous time....you should be proud of yourself and I am inspired by your focus and creative resolve. I am not a writer per se, but I am a "creative" and definitely understand the empty feeling after completing such an intense body of work. There are feelings of excitement, exhiliration, adrenaline, exhaustion, anticipation and finally....calm. So...my advice is to enjoy the calm before the next stage of rewrites. I also want to say from my own experiences, that some of my most creative work has come out of the darkest times of my life. So I expect this next book of yours will embody your journey and I look forward to the shadows of dark and light.
Thank you Jo-Anne, for this incredibly kind and thoughtful comment. I can feel the warmth of sincerity of your words all the way over here in my little London shed. You are SO right about enjoying the calm. Calm is not my strong suit (!) but I am working on it (or more correctly, attempting to allow for it). Rest isn't just important for the work, it's part of the work. And as you wisely point out, even if all goes well, a first draft of anything is not the end but the beginning of a new stage of work. I never gets easier but it's worth it! I'd love to know what you make?
Hi Leah, Thank you for responding....what a delight to hear from you. Having gone through a divorce myself (no children involved) and being the product of divorced parents, I can see the situation from both sides. It is life changing, traumatic and emotional for all involved....enough said. As far as my creative process is concerned....well, I do a few things. I was trained as a weaver and have my own floor loom at home. I was a production weaver for a few years (very boring and repetitive...not my jam) and also worked on fabric design. I then went back to university and worked on my BFA specializing in photography which I love love love. Back in those days, I developed my own black and white photos and enjoyed the dark room as much as taking the photos because you can manipulate the images, which is very creative in and of itself. After doing this for awhile, I realized that I was missing weaving...the colours, textures, design, patterns and the rhythm. When I began to analyze my photos, I understood what draws me to this medium and I now have a vision for something new....my work is evolving . I am recently retired and have the time to focus on my art and this new venture. I have upgraded my equipment and am on an "intensive learning curve" to familiarize myself with the parameters and boundaries of what I can do. I don't want to go into too many details until I have a chance to create some work and develop my technique. I will keep you posted if you are interested. On a final note....continue to "allow for the calm" because that is where the creativity percolates!!
Thank you for your brave video Leah. You chose a word, 'gust' somewhere in your monologue that captured the essence of joy & relief that I have felt often in my life as a writing man. It reminded me of time spent on the west coastline of Vancouver Island where you can experience mighty winds and where I mourned the death of my first wife while simultaneously feeling stirrings of elation from meeting the woman who became my current wife. The gusts on that shoreline brought me reassurance that I still had good times ahead. I can't wait to read of this new book of yours.
Ah, the Pacific winds. I love this image of you drawing hope from the gusts. Vancouver Island is a beautiful place to grieve.
I love that feeling of finishing and throwing to the wind. And I also know the rootlessness that follows. I haven’t had a chance to finish something in a long time!!!
It’s so weird isn’t it? It’s like emerging and blinking and thinking ‘I don’t know what I’m meant to be doing on this earth anymore’. It’s so odd. Also, as a single person, having no-one to tell means... did it even happen at all?! 👀🤔
So true about the single thing! Very odd to have no one to celebrate with. On the flip side: I always remember a moment in Elizabeth Jane Howard's memoir Slipstream in which she recounts sitting down to dinner with Kingsley Amis and saying, "Well, I finished my novel today," and him basically ignoring her and reaching for the wine.
Well, yes, that’s often the reality isn’t it? I remember when I had 13 or 14 agents all clambering to sign me and my ex refused to show any interest even though my friends were thrilled for me. All he said - finally - was: ‘just don’t become more famous than me.’
Thanks Lily. The wind metaphor keeps gusting on this thread! Rootlessness is a great analogy too. Books take so long to write, the relief of finishing (even first draft) is so fleeting, then on the next thing. In a way with writing I feel like we never really finish, which is the agony and joy of it. Here's a little thing I wrote last summer on the importance of open and closed tasks that you might like: https://open.substack.com/pub/leahmclaren/p/open-thread-26-open-and-closed-tasks?r=1092b&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcome=true
Thank you for being vulnerable Leah, and stepping out of your comfort zone to post this video. Perhaps there is a certain feeling of grief when one finishes a creative project, like saying goodbye to a friend that you’ve been with for ages. Be kind to yourself, and honour the fact that you are a badass ❤️
It's so nice to be thanked for being vulnerable... we should all do that with our friends more often. x
Congratulations!
Such a huge accomplishment. I always got sick right after a big work push. It’s like adrenalin propels you until it does’t.
What a privilege to be first reader”!How do you choose them? Fellow writers? Editors or other literary pros? Readers?
The video was fun! More, please❤️
yes, the sickness thing... I used to get really sick after exams in university (though it was always hard to sort out from the hangovers)
You did great!
thank you x
I get it. The experiment with all things new.. But please dont forget some of us who still like to “just” read. Especially you
we look forward to the book..
Thanks Katie. You are absolutely right and rest assured, I have no interest in being a "fluencer" of any kind. "Just reading" is the pinnacle of engagement. It's an act of devotion. I am humbled by it quite honestly and mostly it's all I want to do too!
Thanks for your courage Leah.The video looks and sounds great!! I too love that word "gust" and as I write it, I also think of "gusto", the excited wherewithal to do the beautiful and daunting work of finishing a draft. Way to go!!!
We haven't met, I am a writer over at What the Day Holds and am in process of editing my second memoir.
Lovely to meet you Ahava, what gorgeous name you have. Thanks for subscribing/sharing -- excited to check out your work!
Hello Leah, you did a good job. Lovely lighting and framing, interesting background and authentic words. A good start to doing video - which is impactful for readers/viewers. I used to be a TV producer (far away and long ago) and I would have been giving you a thumbs up and saying 'cut, you did well.'
Seana! This is hugely heartening to hear, especially because it was completely unplanned and off the cuff and when I rewatch it all I can think is, "Brush your fucking hair and stop saying 'um'!"
You do an excellent American accent. I only wish my British were as fluent. Cheers!
As a "video experiment", commenting as one of your new readers, I'd have to say it was a success. That room (library?) you were in looks exotic. How much did it contribute to your work?
Haha, it was a great distraction of course!
Wonderful to see and to hear your other voice, and to listen to an exhalation both emotional and intellectual. Congratulations on the completion of this part of the work. I say this part because, assuming the book moves forward in the publishing stream, there may be more: another edit or two, perhaps as trusted readers, your agent, your editor et al supply you with their thoughts.
I finished a new book - my fourth - in mid December. Today I shall finish its first edit. I know I will have at least two more edits before it will be done. But when it is done, I doubt that I will feel that sense of release, or joyful emptiness that you describe. I'd like to, but it the doubts about its merits will plague me until my end days. But, strangely, I don't mind.
I'm so glad you shared this Via because (as you know) most of writing is in the re-writing. I'm working on a new essay about self-editing (how difficult but also how important it is, as a skill), so I've been thinking along these lines. Any insights?
Well, I absolutely loved it too. I, as a Canadian illustrator who did many many books, I can completely relate to how you feel when you finish something. it’s an extraordinary feeling of emptiness combined with euphoria. And then often I would drop down and get sick, which is what a lot of my fellow creators would do. It can become a unexpected cycle. I’ve always enjoyed your writing back when you’re with the globe, and now to find you again is a treat.
So interesting you're an illustrator. "Finishing" is especially difficult for visual artists... my friend Nadine and I talk about this a lot. How did you know when you'd finished an illustration? (apart from the fact you probably had a deadline). I'd love to hear more.
fab, loved it. felt like you were talking DIRECTLY TO ME and telling me to pull my finger out and get on with it....
I was in a way but remember: speak to yourself gently. You WILL make the time again. 1) You have precedent, 2) YOU ARE KIKI.
I loved this! You’ve inspired me!
Hi Leah... Writing is an individual sport so how one plays is probably idiosyncratic. But, here are some of the things I do.
I do as much editing as I can while writing the first draft. Keeping an eye out for spelling, punctuation and grammatical mistakes. I never get them all, but the text is a lot cleaner that it would be otherwise. But while I'm doing that, I try to keep various other things in mind like plotting, themes, pacing, and the characters voices and personalities. I'm looking for clangers. While I'm doing this I'll write a chunk and read it out loud and re-work anything that feels like a snag in the flow. I'll fix it before moving on. I never write too much at once - five, ten pages maybe.
During the second edit I also do it in chunks. The type of editing work I do while writing the first draft is much more intense, but now I am also reading the text like a hyper-critical reader not a writer, and this "reader" also reads the work aloud. Is the narrative pulling me along? Do the characters have psychological verisimilitude and are they sharply drawn? Are there sentences or paragraphs moving things forward? Where are the superfluities that can be excised? Am I using certain words and phrases too much? And the bigger - biggest - questions: Is it a worthwhile book? Have I created a compelling world? Do I care about it. Again, I never edit too much at a time.
Third edit: the (more or less) final shaping of the work. I try to read the thing through beginning to end during this edit, doing what I can to figure out what I can do to push beyond craft into something higher and better. Shifting shit around if I have to. Excising any remaining words and paragraphs that I loved to write but are unnecessary, especially meaningless tangents and discursive or didactic material that should have been dramatized instead of blathered on about. Sharpening characters. Making sure the plots and themes are seamless. Add or remove stuff to clarify and amplify the drama I've tried to create. Then I ponder. Do I have a sense of completeness; of "finish"? If not, the work goes on.
Fourth edit: Submit the work to others and pray for useful feedback. I will pay close attention to what they say and wrestle with comments that I disagree with until I feel secure about making the right artistic decisions, which is a right I reserve to myself, come what may.
But, Leah.... I am not a commercial success by any means, so get your salt shaker out, shake it, and take my process with a few grains of what comes out.