Fantasy leads, while we build the scaffolding to contain the dream.
Your emotional spillings are fascinating Leah. Your words contain awareness of your predicament as well as hope for the future: "The trick is to keep thinking small." My way out of a life changing depression was to suspend everything and build a verandah; one brick pillar, one carefully sanded piece of cedar, one painted railing at a time. Three months work that set me on a new path. It would take me another year and a half to recreate a new me: a happier man who could enjoy his partner while swinging together on my homemade porch swing. The 'cracks' eventually fill with gold.
You describe so beautifully this life of doing things, so many of which are not things we dreamed of doing. I hope the summer brings some happy respite also...the cup of early morning coffee by the water, bird song, an afternoon passed with friends and laughter...
I admire you. And I admire my own, long-dead mother even more now because, well, she was in your shoes way back when, and my siblings and I, while we felt her agonies, could not parse them into the multifarious tasks and labours which our father's departure forced her to undertake. I'm in my 70s now and suddenly my mother comes into clearer focus.
This bad time will not last. Easy to say, hard to believe, but true as the sea is blue. Just keep on keeping on and mind how you go. Everyone is rooting for you.
Dear Leah, your situation may be tougher but your writing is getting better. Hang in there and do close your eyes from time to time. There will be a happy ending. Depend on it :)
Leah: you don't have to stay there.. I mean I adore LONDON & the UK . I listen to The Archers ( yes really) & BBC radio everyday from Toronto & I follow tons of Brits ( famous & just semi famous) on various platforms .. but you don't have to stay there, in that place where brown sauce is a condiment & school uniforms are the norm & you are navigating single parent life .. Come home to Toronto .. yes it's under construction & we have a new Mayor ( Jack's widow - erm should be interesting few months) and right now there's a bit of a heatwave ( but lots of AC) but you've tons of friends here & ( I think ?) welcoming family that must miss you and want to help you bear some of this burden.
Plus cottage country . Nothing replaces southern ontario cottage & farm country in the summer.
Lots of content creation opportunities here too for an amazing writer like yourself.
It took me 4 years to work my way out a relationship that wasn't working. My 2 kids made it through the process, albeit not unscathed. They were 15 and 14 when I chose to end a 16 year marriage to their mother. We were in debt, and mired in an exhausting battle over the discipline of our 14 year old. We had money issues, living arrangement issues (I had a room in the basement after the separation) and child rearing issues. I worked two jobs to make ends meet. My life outside work was spent planning how to end the mess and get free of the binds that had me tethered to a woman I could not see how I even came to love in the first place. My daughter came through and is a responsible adult...my son, an ongoing 20-year drug addict on the streets of Victoria. My life is good now, but I had to wallow through the mire to get here. You too will get there...perseverance is the key.
Fantasy leads, while we build the scaffolding to contain the dream.
Your emotional spillings are fascinating Leah. Your words contain awareness of your predicament as well as hope for the future: "The trick is to keep thinking small." My way out of a life changing depression was to suspend everything and build a verandah; one brick pillar, one carefully sanded piece of cedar, one painted railing at a time. Three months work that set me on a new path. It would take me another year and a half to recreate a new me: a happier man who could enjoy his partner while swinging together on my homemade porch swing. The 'cracks' eventually fill with gold.
That is beautiful, thank you for sharing that.
Aw you. x
Ah, thank you Robert. Spilling is exactly what it feels like. As for DIY, I'm thinking about painting the sitting room. Might help?
You describe so beautifully this life of doing things, so many of which are not things we dreamed of doing. I hope the summer brings some happy respite also...the cup of early morning coffee by the water, bird song, an afternoon passed with friends and laughter...
Yes, small pleasures matter.
My go to pep talk ““Sometimes I can feel my bones straining under the weight of all the lives I’m not living” -Jonathan Safran Foer
Yes exactly. I'm not sure how people live without alternate lives.
You describe this so well and with such talent! Brings to mind the “ How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.”
Thank you Amy. And yes, eating an elephant is apt. And unappetising.
I admire you. And I admire my own, long-dead mother even more now because, well, she was in your shoes way back when, and my siblings and I, while we felt her agonies, could not parse them into the multifarious tasks and labours which our father's departure forced her to undertake. I'm in my 70s now and suddenly my mother comes into clearer focus.
I'm so glad this post made you remember her. She sounds wonderful.
This bad time will not last. Easy to say, hard to believe, but true as the sea is blue. Just keep on keeping on and mind how you go. Everyone is rooting for you.
Would it were true! But yes, keeping on is the only solution. One foot in front. And on we go. xx
Dear Leah, your situation may be tougher but your writing is getting better. Hang in there and do close your eyes from time to time. There will be a happy ending. Depend on it :)
I am and I will. Thanks Frank.
Thanks for the update, Leah. It sounds as though things are going as well as they can, at the moment. ❤️
Yes. And what doesn't get better gets bearable. Amazing that.
Sounds exhausting but you are in the driver’s seat and appreciating all the right things.
My late sister’s partner would help her out when fear and too may fucking medical appointments took over.
“Narrow the focus, Laura.”
Great advice for anyone 10 to 100.
My focus veers between pin prick and oceanic at the moment... and yes that is brilliant advice, Pam.
Leah: you don't have to stay there.. I mean I adore LONDON & the UK . I listen to The Archers ( yes really) & BBC radio everyday from Toronto & I follow tons of Brits ( famous & just semi famous) on various platforms .. but you don't have to stay there, in that place where brown sauce is a condiment & school uniforms are the norm & you are navigating single parent life .. Come home to Toronto .. yes it's under construction & we have a new Mayor ( Jack's widow - erm should be interesting few months) and right now there's a bit of a heatwave ( but lots of AC) but you've tons of friends here & ( I think ?) welcoming family that must miss you and want to help you bear some of this burden.
Plus cottage country . Nothing replaces southern ontario cottage & farm country in the summer.
Lots of content creation opportunities here too for an amazing writer like yourself.
You don't have to stay there ?
Hugs
Victoria xox
It took me 4 years to work my way out a relationship that wasn't working. My 2 kids made it through the process, albeit not unscathed. They were 15 and 14 when I chose to end a 16 year marriage to their mother. We were in debt, and mired in an exhausting battle over the discipline of our 14 year old. We had money issues, living arrangement issues (I had a room in the basement after the separation) and child rearing issues. I worked two jobs to make ends meet. My life outside work was spent planning how to end the mess and get free of the binds that had me tethered to a woman I could not see how I even came to love in the first place. My daughter came through and is a responsible adult...my son, an ongoing 20-year drug addict on the streets of Victoria. My life is good now, but I had to wallow through the mire to get here. You too will get there...perseverance is the key.