Indeed one cannot speak of one's Category Three VRP, and there are SO MANY people carrying that shit around with them and smiling and chit-chatting through work bullshit and zoom calls and finally getting a moment alone or - ideally - with a supportive person who is in the loop, and just almost collapsing from the emotional exhaustion of masking.
And what about the people whose destructive behaviour or actions -- intentional or compulsive or not, or rooted in trauma, or just stupidity or arrogance or hubris -- directly led to someone else's VRP? Unless they are a narcissist (and yeah, some sure are) it very likely unraveled them as well and they may well be doing their damnedest to make reparations, or deal with their shit, learn and atone, etc. and there may be nothing they can do to make it better even after all of their money is also vacuumed up by lawyers who are good at their work and they are alone and broken. What do we feel about them, if anything?
This is very sad and I totally empathise having had a daughter in crisis these past two years and yes that feeling of waking and it hitting you again, that life is not how you want it and not about to get better any time soon. I really hope things improve for your friend. I am reassured always by the thought that we are constantly in flux, nothing ever stays the same, even if it’s simply a matter of us adapting and coming to terms with things being bad! Sending love
I had (have) a No 3.... but over more than 30 years I have also formed a set of habits around the Serenity Prayer... the official one, but also my amended version :
Grant me the serenity to accept there are people I cannot change,
The courage to change myself because I can
And the wisdom to know the fucking difference.
Profanity helps. It is not a panacea, but it does narrow and simplify the range and intensity of life's myriad problems including the most baleful ones.
I have a VRP. There’s a woman I care a great deal about who I’m afraid thinks I am a VRP. How can I reassure her that I’m just in a period of refinement? I know I have been a VRP. And there is no help for the kind I have. At least not yet. And that’s what I’m afraid losing. The refinement and the reason I need it.
Matt, I very much doubt you are a VRP. People can't be VRPs, we can only endure them. You do sound a bit broken hearted though. And if you are just remember it's okay to be sad and it's okay to cry. You're among friends here.
Indeed one cannot speak of one's Category Three VRP, and there are SO MANY people carrying that shit around with them and smiling and chit-chatting through work bullshit and zoom calls and finally getting a moment alone or - ideally - with a supportive person who is in the loop, and just almost collapsing from the emotional exhaustion of masking.
And what about the people whose destructive behaviour or actions -- intentional or compulsive or not, or rooted in trauma, or just stupidity or arrogance or hubris -- directly led to someone else's VRP? Unless they are a narcissist (and yeah, some sure are) it very likely unraveled them as well and they may well be doing their damnedest to make reparations, or deal with their shit, learn and atone, etc. and there may be nothing they can do to make it better even after all of their money is also vacuumed up by lawyers who are good at their work and they are alone and broken. What do we feel about them, if anything?
This is very sad and I totally empathise having had a daughter in crisis these past two years and yes that feeling of waking and it hitting you again, that life is not how you want it and not about to get better any time soon. I really hope things improve for your friend. I am reassured always by the thought that we are constantly in flux, nothing ever stays the same, even if it’s simply a matter of us adapting and coming to terms with things being bad! Sending love
I had (have) a No 3.... but over more than 30 years I have also formed a set of habits around the Serenity Prayer... the official one, but also my amended version :
Grant me the serenity to accept there are people I cannot change,
The courage to change myself because I can
And the wisdom to know the fucking difference.
Profanity helps. It is not a panacea, but it does narrow and simplify the range and intensity of life's myriad problems including the most baleful ones.
I have a VRP. There’s a woman I care a great deal about who I’m afraid thinks I am a VRP. How can I reassure her that I’m just in a period of refinement? I know I have been a VRP. And there is no help for the kind I have. At least not yet. And that’s what I’m afraid losing. The refinement and the reason I need it.
Matt, I very much doubt you are a VRP. People can't be VRPs, we can only endure them. You do sound a bit broken hearted though. And if you are just remember it's okay to be sad and it's okay to cry. You're among friends here.